Friday, June 29, 2007

Changing Lanes


“A person’s career is a very personal choice.
It reflects his personality, creativity, interests and goals.

At the start of the week, a good friend of mine told me about a possible job opening somewhere. Not that this is something new to me, in fact, I applied for this very position exactly a year ago and was actually offered the very same job. Under certain circumstances, I declined . But knowing how I really liked the job – in fact it was something that I wanted to try doing- it didn’t leave my mind. I was constantly thinking if I did the right choice for turning it down.

Now, hearing that the very same job will soon be up for grabs, it got me thinking if I should re-apply. After all, maybe this is a sign – that the job is really for me! Like what are the odds of you getting a second chance on fate? Hahaha. Opportunities come but once in a blue moon, but if it comes back right at your doorstep – you will then be toooooo stupid to let it pass again.

I remember having this conversation with another friend about this. He said and I quote, “sometimes, when you find something that you really wanted to do or say try, you have to make certain sacrifices. Salary, job title, good office, friends you’ve made along the way, etc. Just for you to be able to fulfill that dream. You just have to be open to the idea that you have to start somewhere. You don’t normally get everything you wished for”. I remembered every word he said back then and it did made me realize that perhaps I could and should make a little sacrifice here and there to get what I really want.

And then a funny thing happened. One (former) employee of this very company that I am aiming for heard about my plans. She willingly shared her “horror” stories about the company and their culture, through a common friend. Her advice – think twice, thrice, or more hanggang magsawa ka sa kakaisip at ayaw mo na lang din ituloy. Hahaha. Funny. While I carefully listened to her stories – which are by the way valid, I can’t help but be influenced by the fact that experience is far better than intuition. And that started the whole confusion scenario.

While it is true that at times, we can and have to learn from the experiences of others to avoid making the same mistakes – ang maniwala nga ba sa sabi sabi, walang tiwala sa sarili? Right now, I still want the job. And I am somehow willing to take the risk. But having known the facts and how crappy things are, am I simply being stubborn for still wanting to pursue it? Do I simply find it challenging? Or is it my change-the-culture demeanor that makes me still want to go for it? Or baka nadadala lang ako sa mga resignation sa office? Hahaha. I am confused – which may lead to stress! Help!!!!

Your opinions/thoughts will be very much appreciated.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

In Search for Life’s Meaning and Purpose

Have you ever found yourself asking for meaning? Or Purpose ng iyong existence on this Earth? Lately, I’ve been trying to figure that out for myself.

It all started one sunny day when a friend announced that she’ll be leaving for the States soon. And if I may quote, she said she’s going there “to find myself. Char!” Haha. Kasama talaga yung “char!”. Anyways, there. That very conversation has left me feeling weary. It haunted me for the last eight days and has made me think of the life that I’ve led.

Reality check. I have a job that somehow, pays enough. Enough to sustain my kind of lifestyle. I have a good, uhm, better social life. I get to go out whenever I want to, and I get to frequent the places that some people would only dream about. The hottest places, the trendiest bars, the IN things. I get to buy myself expensive meals at times and could still afford to have a P100 something cup of Frappuccino afterwards. I can shop for some good clothes, I can buy the shoes that I like. I can travel, see the places and experience the different cultures of those places and its people. But then the question remains, saan nga ba ako papunta? While it is good that I can very well enjoy myself by doing all these things, the question still remains, what am I living for ba tlga? There got to be something there, something more.

Last weekend, we had a send off dinner to a friend. The very same friend who’s out to find herself in New York City. And at that night, I couldn’t help but notice how different things are. Tumatanda na nga talaga tayo. Things change, outlooks differ, and our plans have become much deeper than the manhole left open along Taft Avenue. Iba na talaga ang panahon ngayon. One of the girls openly talked about wanting to work abroad. Another guy is just waiting for his partner’s visa and they will eventually migrate to the US. While another friend is planning to wed her boyfriend of years soon. Listening to them talk about their life plans, I couldn’t help but wonder about my own. What do I plan to do with my life then? Is it enough that I get to live comfortably? That I get to go out quite often and have fun? Although it does make me happy having been able to do and experience all of those things, it still made me wonder if this is what I want my life to be. Work – Gimik – Gimik- Coffee - Work then Gimik ulit. It is becoming a meaningless cycle that I am not aware of.

Then my search began. Soon as that night ended, I tried to psych myself up in search for answers. This is definitely not my kind of life and most likely not what I wanted to be doing in the next ten years or so. And so, I prepped myself in search for that meaning. For the next three days, I began to wander. Re-read all my emails, checked for my planner – for something that I may have missed. I was looking for that something. Something that can very well give meaning to what I am doing now. I’m sure nandyan lang sila somewhere. And then I got this offer, from one of my colleague and a dear friend. It was about a job opening in one specialized company – with a hefty salary. Although the offer was very tempting, I found myself saying “no”, kasi hindi siya align sa personal WIGS ko. Hahaha.

WIGS Wildly Important Goals


It was meant to be a joke. But then again, looking back, it did answer my questions. We, one way or another, dreams of achieving something in our lives. Something that makes us go on and move forward. Something that drives us into doing better and better as days go by. Lahat tayo, may pangarap, be it to be the richest guy in the country or simply having a family to live with. And perhaps, that’s the real meaning or purpose that I am looking for. You see, I realized that we didn’t need to look outside to find that meaning. In the same way that we didn’t need to look elsewhere to find our purpose. It’s all a matter of being aware of what you really want in life. And simply going for it! It is something experiential - being able to experience doing what it is that you want to do - more than having an addition to one's life. Ang "meaning" hindi parang spices na pwede mong idagdag sa buhay mo to make it even colorful. It can never be found outside of yourself. Now, as I begin to be enlightened by all of these things, I am pleased to announce that I do have a plan. I may not be that close but hey, I am getting there. And I will get there. And once I get there, hmmmm, humanda kayo, magpapa-party ako! Hahahaha.



p.s.
This entry is dedicated to my good friend Hazel. "Bes" hahaha, may you find the meaning that you are looking for jan sa US of A. If not, we can always talk at Friday's over strawberry iced tea. Hahahaha.


Friday, June 22, 2007

Rumors... Rumors...

Recently, we got shocked at seeing Gretchen Barretto and John Estrada's picture lip-locked!!!! This made headlines all over the country and has even put an end to Ruffa and Yilmaz' war of words - awww... bitterness!

And although, this has been cleared by both parties, let me just say that the picture is not REAL. Eto tlga yung totoong nangyari!






Here is the picture now----------------------->
This was taken years after using OLAY.
















<-------------Lip-locking with Mr. John Estrada










But what we don't know is that these pictures circulating around the net are actually Fake!!! She is not the real Gretchen on this pic, she is actually this girl ------------->



This person is also a Gretchen fan and like her idol, she did replace all her expensive brands and used OLAY Total Effects. It clearly does not reduce fine lines alone, it made her look like the real Gretchen Barretto. Thanks to OLAY and Photoshop CS3.


Don't worry Gretchen B, you will still be my idol!!!!



Happy Weekend Y'all.

Friday, June 15, 2007

From my Mailbox

I got this email from a good friend of mine. While I normally delete forwarded mails, this one did get my attention. The words are simple but the message is deep. For all of you who, like me, questions the odds sometimes, let this be a lesson. A lesson that will always remind us that although we can't get everything that we want - something better is always there for us, if we simply let HIM work His wonders.


-------------


I asked God to take away my habit.
God said, No.
It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up






I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.
God said, No.
His spirit is whole, his body is only temporary.






I asked God to grant me patience.

God said, No.Patience is a byproduct of tribulations;

it isn't granted, it is learned.







I asked God to give me happiness.
God said, No.
I give you blessings; Happiness is up to you.






I asked God to spare me pain.
God said, No.
Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares

and brings you closer to me.





I asked God to make my spirit grow.
God said, No.
You must grow on your own,
but I will prune you to make you fruitful.






I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life.

God said, No.
I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all things.



I asked God to help me LOVE others, as much as He loves
me.
God said...Ahhhh, finally you have the idea.


Wednesday, June 13, 2007

When Silence Means Everything


Today I was feeling a bit sick. Really sick.

Against my own free will (hehe), I had my braces done a few days back. It’s something that I’ve been trying to avoid for the longest time and somehow, fate left me with no other choice. Hehe. I was overly emotional from the pain it brought me. I couldn’t eat any decent solid food for quite sometime. And at some point, I even said that I’d trade this pain I am currently feeling for something, anything!!! Until I received this message..


Ano ba ang ibig sabihin nun pag tinanong ka kung mahal mo pa noh?
Pero hindi ka sumagot? Does it mean mahal mo pa nga?


Wella wella wella wella.. Tell me more.. Hay Love. Hahaha. Well then ano nga ba?

With pain accompanying me at this very moment, let me try to compose myself and answer this as sanely as I can.

I was trying to recall something. Hehe. Uhm, yeah, it seems like I’ve done this act in the past both intentionally and unintentionally. When something like this comes up, why do we (at times) keep quiet? While many considered silence as simple a sign of admission. Believe it or not, it could actually mean a lot of other things. And used under varied circumstances. Hehehe. First, there’s the “polite” effect. The one who doesn’t want to cause any pain – inflicted by the word “NO”. C’mon, alam naman natin yon. Minsan we ought to keep things to ourselves just so that we can spare the feelings of the other person. That’s one basic rule we learned way way back when we where young – if you have nothing good to say, shut the fuck up! And to those who’ve been there, we very well know that, indeed, it works!!!


Then comes the “confused”. Hindi niya masagot yung tanong ng maayos kasi siya mismo, hindi siya sigurado kung mahal ka pa nga or hindi na! Which is forgivable. I think. Who wants to get a not-so-kinda-sure answer to that question right? Para lang kayong naglokohan then! Sana nag jokes na lang kayo, you both could’ve been laughing now. This guy needs time. Time to weigh things and look at it from all possible perspectives. Ok sana to, unless of course, it takes him forever to figure out his answer. Ang labo!!!!


And then there’s the “concealer”. Not the make-up kind of concealer ok? Eto yung taong would opt to keep quiet kahit alam niyang masasagot niya ito ng isang malaking OO. Why conceal then? Kasi these are the people who know that the guy/girl is really not at all good for him. They are those people who’ve recognized and witnessed what’s wrong with the other person, why it just couldn’t work between the two of them. But in spite of these facts, they remain in love. With the person I hope – and not just with the idea of being with someone. Sila yung mga taong kahit paulit ulit mong saktan, paulit ulit na umiyak, will always be optimistic. Saying na things will only get better. But then, what if hindi na nga? And the other party made it clear na wala na tlga kayong pag-asa.


Different strokes for different folks. I am not saying that these are the only reasons ok? In the end, it all depends on who you’re talking to. These are simply some of those thoughts I’ve had from God knows when. Hahaha. And you know, life is really very ironic. It seems to me that the older we get the lesser words come out of our mouths. Ang weird di ba? Dapat at this point in our life, mas madami na tayong words na alam, we should be able to express ourselves more! But then again, in reality hindi nman nangyayari yon. Although I know that actions do speak louder than words, there are just those times that verbal validation is needed. We need to hear those words, one way or another, no matter how cheesy or corny or even painful it may sound. We need to be sure, of the other person and mostly of ourselves. That the feeling is real and not just another form of hallucination mula sa pollution sa labas. tehn at some point, we stubbornly bask in the realm of quietness. Hoping that it will be less damaging. Not knowing that at times, at those very certain moment, silence could mean everything. Everything you’ve hoped for. Everything you’ve dreamed about. Everything you’ve always wanted. If only, you had the courage to speak up.


Now, I am still feeling sick. It must be the medicine, or the rain, or the heat or the teeth or yung singaw!!! Hahahaha. And btw, I take back what I said in the beginning. I would gladly endure this physical pain I have right now. Than trade it for something else. It seems like this is much more bearable than that of my good friend’s dilemma. Wax at Pyralvex lang ang katapat nito. Hehe.


Keep Rockin’ girl. Kaya mo yan!!

p.s.

When you decide to confront your man/woman kung mahal ka ba niya or what. While hoping for the best, sana be prepared for the opposite reply. Lalo na kung sabihan ka ng “I never got there…” Hahaha. Promo. Watch the movie it’s really really good!!!!

Friday, June 08, 2007

Unt1tled


It was one heck of a week. I was busy, nah too busy, or perhaps ultra busy juggli
ng things from work and uhm yeah a lil on the personal side as well. hihihi. I was sooo lookin forward to this day, Friday! A start of another weekend full of rest and recreation. And as I hurried to get home, by some stroke of luck, there was you. All yuppy and uhm, somewhat sad. Naglalakad sa mundo ng kawalan. And then, just when I thought I was not going to give it any more thought, you appear in flesh! What a way to start my weekend...


Years ago, I met this guy through a friend. In a what seemed to be the obligatory meet-my-possible-lover dinner. They had their moments. And now perhaps it is their time to shine! =P

First Impression: He's kinda nice


Given the circumstances back then, I actually liked the guy for my pal. I thought, he's gonna treat him real good. And I mean really really freakin' good. But then again, just like fairy tales, they also did have a problem with a happily ever after. So goes the love story.

Years after, in one of my unguarded moments, I met him again. Surprised that he still remembered me (well, we only met once - that dinner!). While I was trying to be all cool, squabbling and getting something out of my big purse errr bag, we talked. Just like old times. As if we really had one. I find it quite enchanting how we've managed to talk like we were such good friends. Parang close na close tlaga? Haha. But then again it was fun. I even phoned our common friend (the one he dated back then), ASAP and reported the chance encounter, just seconds after we parted ways. I didn't know what's with him but the guy made a mark on my mind that night. And the minute I got home, I started to browse my friendster account in search for his profile. Hahaha. I was really hoping that the odds will not put a joke on me this time. And then, as we optimists always hoped, the odds really hate to disappoint!

There I was, browsing through the pages, profiles, pictures and surprisingly blogs of the guy.
In a few minutes of reading through, I've gotten to know a lot of him through his writings. I was fascinated by how, at such an early age, the guy was able to go through such tough times all by himself, still standing. I thought he was funny, organized, gimikero, friendly, down to earth, responsible, strong, brave, simple, honest, very open and mahilig magpa-picture. He's very vocal about his true feelings for the moment and it is very evident in his writings. And boy, do I admire him for that. Clap! Clap! Weeks after, we became text friends, sending those cute-sy stuffs, the ones you forward to make a point - or simply to be remembered. Hahaha. I enjoyed reading his messages, in the same way that I hope he did with mine. Slowly, I am beginning to have this interest in talking to him once again. I feel like there's this connection between us that is somehow rare. And I mean it in a sense that we both have a lot of things in common, even in our personal lives, then! Hahaha. Braving the idea, I tried to ask him out - to which he answered yes, in modesty. But then it didn't happen. Perhaps, it was my fault, I never made a follow up or perhaps I was then sensing that we are both busy with our lives - such a pathetic excuse. Hahaha.

I remembered reading his pieces and how strongly I can relate to some of those. At times, it felt like we were both in the same sinking ship, without knowing that we were both there. Perhaps that's why I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to be sure that there is indeed comfort in numbers. I was sooo nto this idea that people with broken wings should go together (even in friendship) in order for them to be able to still fly. Recently, as I went site seeing, I once again bumped into you profile. You got your heart broken -- in as much as I would want to say "buti nga", I felt the need to say good things. After all, going through these rough times are not very easy. And I am saying that from experience.

And then the texts came back. Yours and uhm yeah mine. And it made me wonder, why all of a sudden, you're all over my inbox. Hindi kaya type mo ko, ayaw mo lang ipahalata? Hahaha. And then I was thinking, what would make me text a friend? Hmmm.. Kasi naaalala ko sila. The message is apt or I simply wanted them to remember me back. Does that mean you think of me every now and then, that's why I get to receive a message from you? That you wanted me to think of you as well? or mahilig ka lang tlgang mag text - hobby mo nga at naka-unlimited ka? hahaha. I am lost. And at this very point in time, I don't want to entertain any mo
re thoughts - trying to figure out whether or not we like each other.

Truth is, I wanted us to be friends. But then time and circumstances - maybe - just wouldn't allow it. I feel like he is more than what he writes and that there's more to him than simply having a broken heart. I yearn for his wisdom, his experiences. Or talagang mahilig lang ako sa mga underdogs? hahaha. I am a frustrated Princess Diana that wanted to help people and m
ake the world a better place for us all. Or maybe I do like him, or maybe I don't. Ah basta, whatever the case maybe, here's to hoping that the next time I get to hear something from you - you will have nothing but good news to me! So pano? text text na lang...