Friday, July 30, 2010

Mother Knows Best


I may not be as expressive, I may not be as appreciative as I should be....
But mothers really do know best.
And today, more than ever, I feel soooooo grateful to have mine around. Knowing that she's with me, makes all my worries and troubles seem like a small pimple.
I love you Mother!!!! Thank you =)

Monday, July 26, 2010

When It Rains; It Pours

Tama sila... When it rains, it indeed pours..



Minsan napapaisip ako, kung ano ang mas maganda, yung ganitong sunud sunod kang babasagin ng mga problema...





Or yung pa-isa isa sila ng dating...


Pero sa ngayon, wala na akong masyadong choice... Ibuhos mo na lahat... Yung pinaka-malakas... Para pagkatapos nito, tapos na... Isang sakit na lang... kesa paulit ulit...

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Random Rant

Minsan, kahit gaano mo kamahal ang isang tao, darating ka rin sa point na mauubos ka rin pala. Yung tipong wala ka nang maibibigay. Walang galit, walang inis, kahit pagmamahal, wala na.
Sa pagdaan ng mga araw, nagiging manhid ka na sa emosyon, sa pakiramdam, sa mga sakit na paulit ulit na nangyayari. Paulit ulit na ginagawa.
Wala na akong maramdaman. Hindi ko na alam kung ano pa ang dapat kong maramdaman sa puntong ito. Kung ano ba ang dapat kong paniwalaan. Maganda siya sa konsepto, pero sa realidad, malayong malayo. Ang alam ko lang, tapos na. Tapos na ang lahat ng ito. Ang damot damot damot damot mo.

Closing Cycles

This is what I am exactly feeling right at this very moment... Can't help but repost this article...
--------------------------------

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist onstaying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.
Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters
Whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave the past the momentsof life that have finished. Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents' house? Gone tolive abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden?
You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won't take another step until you find out why certain thingsthat were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, justlike that.
But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister,everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting onwith life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.
None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not evenwhen we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passedwill not return: we cannot forever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive anaffair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention ofcoming back.
Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away. That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs,move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books youhave at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts and getting rid ofcertain memories also means making some room for other memories to taketheir place.
Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do notexpect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated,your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, theone that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is onlypoisoning you, nothing else.
Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisionsthat are always put off waiting for the ideal moment. Before a new chapteris begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you couldlive without that thing or that person. Nothing is irreplaceable. A habitis not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.
Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simplybecause that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record,clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Charice and Botox


While I don't think there's anything wrong with what she did, I am still a bit concerned as to why Belo did what she did with all the media persons around. Di ba dapat ang mga treatments sa clinic, mejo may privacy??????? Or is she just riding on the popularity of this poor talented girl na wala namang ginusto kundi umayos ng konti ang itsura... Grabe...

I am not a huge fan of Charice, but the girl really has talent... Sana hindi siya masyadong kuyugin ng mga mapagsamantalang tao na gustong maki-ride sa popularity niya....




Listen.... Nice song to!!!!

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Isang Salita

July 17, 2010. Sa gitna na pag uusap namin ni Pao tungkol sa mga nangyari nang nakaraang Linggo, isang salita ang hindi ko inaasahang marinig, isang salitang mula sa araw na yon, ay babago sa aming mga buhay.
HOLDUP.

Nung una, hindi ko masyadong napansin pa. Bigla na lang akong napatingin sa babaeng nasa may bandang harapan namin, kung paano siya napatalon mula sa kanyang kinauupuan, papunta sa area namin. Kitang kita ko rin kung papano niya binalak na tumalon, naisip ko rin gawin yon, hanggang sa mamalayan ko na lang, may baril palang nakatutok mismo sa ulo ko. Hanggang ngayon, naaalala ko pa kung paanong paikot ikot, papalit-palit ng pwesto ang baril sa loob ng sinasakyan naming jeep. At kung paanong bumabalik at bumabalik pa rin ito sa ulo ko, na para bang may magnet ako sa mukha.
Wala akong gamit na maaaring ipanlaban sa dala nilang baril. Ang tanging sandatang pinanghahawakan ko nun ay ang aking "presence of mind" at "grace under pressure". Sa isip ko, dito na ba ako mamamatay? It was a very unglamorous way to die pero sa puntong iyon, handa ako. Basta laging ko sinasabi sa sarili ko, hanggang hindi kami gagalawin, wala akong dapat ipaglaban. Pero once na may saktan o masaktan sa amin, sama sama na kaming magkasakitan. Nakita ko lahat, kung paanong kinuha nung isa yung sumbrero ng katabi niya, kung paanong kinuha yung relo ng katabi ko, kung paanong pinilit kunin ang cellphone ng mga babae sa harap. Sa sobrang pagmamanman ko, kaya ko silang i-reenact, bawat galaw, bawat salita, bawat pagtanggi, bawat lingon, bawat paghablot. Bukod sa perang nasa bulsa ko, na nagkakahalaga ng P30, wala nang masyadong nakuha sa akin. Yan ang akala ko.
Ngayon, ilang oras matapos ang pangyayari, unti unti kong na-re-realize na bukod sa baryang nakuha nila, meron pa palang ibang nawala sa akin. Ang pinakamahirap sa holdup ay hindi pala yung nawalan ka ng gamit. Ngayon ko na-re-realize na bukod sa baryang nakuha nila sa akin, mas marami pa palang nawala sa pagkatao ko simula ng ma-holdup ako. Unang una na ang tulog, peace of mind, dignity, self esteem, tiwala, etc. At ang masaklap nito, sa tuwing naiisip ko sila, parang paulit ulit pa rin akong na-h-holdup.
Ngayon, seven hours matapos ang mga pangyayari, wala pa rin akong tulog. Sa tuwing susubukan kong ipikit ang mga mata ko, halo halong emosyon ang pumapasok. May galit na hindi ko ipinagtanggol ang sarili ko at mga kasama sa jeep, may awa sa mga nawalan ng gamit, may inis kung bakit hinayaan naming mangyari kung pwede naman naming pagtulung-tulungan, may relief na nakalusot kami nang walang nasaktan, may asar sa mga bagay na ginawa at hindi ginawa.
Pero tapos na ang lahat. Wala na. Nakatakas na sila. Maaring nag-ce-celebrate na ng mga nakuha nila. Para sa kanila, tapos na ang laban. Pero para sa akin, hindi pa. Ang masaklap nito, sa loob ng mahaba habang panahon, paulit ulit akong dadaan sa lugar na pinagyarihan ng lahat. Paulit ulit na maipapamukha sa akin kung paanong isang gabi, walang kalaban laban akong tinutukan ng baril and nawalan ng dignidad. Isang bagay na hindi ko gugustuhin mangyari sa kahit na sino, kahit pa sa taong kaaway ko.
Habang sinusulat ko ito, bigla na lang akong naiyak. Hindi ko alam kung bakit, baka dala ng frustrations over what just happened. Or stress? Or that feeling of being helpless, which I soooooo hate. Ito yung isa sa mga bagay na hindi madaling mawala sa iyo, kahit ilang beses kang magpa-spa para mag relax. Sana itong pag iyak na ito na yung hinihintay kong katapusan ng masamang bangungot, sana unti unti, maatim kong makalimot. Hindi ko alam kung bakit kailangan pa naming pagdaanan ang mga bagay na ito, pero ang sigurado ako, malaking pagbabago ang hatid ng experience na ito para sa akin at sa mga taong kasama ko nang gabing iyon. Until then, ganito na lang muna siguro. Life goes on. Tatanggapin ang nangyari, haharapin ang bukas at mas mag-iingat sa mga susunod na araw.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Post Basyang Recap

As you all know... We just had our first typhoon visitor in the country, awfully names "Basyang"... Basyang did hit Manila almost midnight last night and goodness, first time ko lang yatang nakaranas ng sobrang strong winds that literally made our doors squeak na parang may multo. hahaha.

So what happened the morning after?
  • nawalan ng kuryente almost midnight, our dog - who's afraid of the dark cannot sleep

  • I opened the door from our room to let the air in, mainit kasi brownout, pero I closed it agad, for fear na may lumipad na yero papasok

  • Kinaumgahan, walang LRT. So pumunta ako sa alternate route, only to find out na wala ring MRT. Shet.

  • Took a bus ride to work - double jeopardy ang nasakyan ko. Cubao Ibabaw and Crossing Ibabaw. Double shet.

  • Brownout sa Makati. Naka-business attire ka pero mahina ang aircon.

  • Went to Fruitas to buy some cold fruit shakes - wala silang kuryente, therefore, hindi gumagana ang blender. Walang shake!!!

  • May bazaar sa Paseo Center - pero bawal pumasok kasi wala silang generator sa basement. Madilim.

  • Naiihi sana ako sa Paseo Center, bukas ang CR pero walang ilaw.

  • Paglabas ko ng Citi building, brownout pa rin sa Makati.. Para akong naglalakad sa kawalan. Ang dilim ng paligid.

But we did survive Basyang, generally. hahaha. Buti naman. And the good news is, may kuryente na pagdating ko ng bahay... Yey!!!! =)

Hope everyone is well also.... Fight!!!!

Wednesday, July 07, 2010

One Sad Day




There comes a point in your life when everything just don't seem to work out right. When after all the good you did, you end up still being used, abused, feeling unwated, unrespected and most of all unloved.


Perhaps today is that day.


It's the day you think of giving up - for real. For everything, for everyone, for yourself. You begin to question things, how you hated people, how unfairly you were treated, how badly you were judged, how poorly those judgements were. All of a sudden, you don't want to be patient, you do not even want to show an ounce of kindness, you do not want to understand, noteven try.


I hate how things turned out. Worse, I hate myself for allowing those things to even happen. I need a better luck, a better life, a better me or perhaps I just want to be free.




"Once upon a time I was fallin in love, now I'm only fallin apart...."

Haaayyy sabog.