Sunday, May 11, 2014

HMD



Hey mom!


I want to thank you for always being there for me.


For accepting me, for allowing me to do the things that I like/love.  For allowing me to make my own decisions and for all warm warm hugs each time I make the wrong ones.


For encouraging me to have bigger dreams but at the same time for letting me know that having enough is just as good.  For raising me well enough to know that  life is not all about level-ups, that having an okay life is not a bad thing.


But most of all, thank you for loving me, unconditionally.


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I love you from the bottom of my hypothalamus!!!! =)


You roooock,




Sunday, March 23, 2014

The Dark Night


Lately, I feel like I am in the darkest moment of my life. 


And right now, the only thing that I have left is hope. 


Hope that someday all these dark clouds will go and reveal the brightest day ever.   Hope that when that day comes, I will not only rise above it all but I will get to shine again – sparkle even.

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But until then, allow me to wallow in this certain kind of an all too familiar sadness. And hopefully, I get to let it go very soon.


Hindi pa nman ako bagay sa emo,



Thursday, March 13, 2014

Moments

Lately, fate has this habit of bringing me into some unexpected extremities – something that I didn’t see coming, something that I didn’t quite prepare for.  

In a week’s time, I was able to immerse myself into a whirlwind of emotions from being happy, feeling really sad, rejected, inadequate, depressed and everything in between.  It changes by the day, sometimes, by the hour even.


So today, I decided to break away from my usual routine of going home and went to a somewhat happy place and get myself a happy meal.  I want to have a moment. This is my moment - until somebody interrupted it.


“Excuse me, uhm this is really embarrassing, but do you mind if I join you?”


I stared blankly at the stranger holding his tray – and scanned the almost empty place – I am puzzled.


“Sorry, I am not a bad guy, I promise. I just... I just don’t want to eat alone”


And just like that, I let out a smile and got my things off the table. 


“You don’t even have to talk to me, I’ll just be quiet here. I really just can’t don’t want to eat alone right now”


And true to his word.  He sat there quietly. While I went back into having my moment – reading and fiddling with my phone at the same time.
But what I saw, caught my limited attention...


Quarter pounder, big fries, big drinks, a box of nuggets and rice.


So I decided to talk a bit and asked.....
 “Bad day?”


He looked at me puzzled then let out quite a loud laugh when he saw that I was looking at his orders. 


“Hindi pa ako nag-d-dinner po. Gutom lang. Sobra ka naman. Kumuha ka!”


And somehow that set the mood of how things go went.


==========================

 
Sometimes, it does feel good to talk to a complete stranger (in a less kaduda-duda setting).  Someone who doesn’t have any idea who you are.  What you do. And what you are going through. Wala judgement minsan.  Walang prejudice. While I don’t usually talk openly about my feelings to my friends,  I was surprised at how open I’ve been in this conversation.  I was able to share my feelings, my honest to goodness opinions on the topics that we’ve talked about.  Hindi ko naman siya kilala and the people involved in the situations we’ve talked about, e hindi rin naman niya kilala.  Lahat ng mga totoong nangyari at nangyayari, kinukwento mo ng “kunwari”.   Perhaps, the anonymity appealed to me.  It made me talk openly about anything.  And it felt nice.  For a while, I felt free.

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And tonight,  for the very first time in weeks, I am happy. I feel at peace.  Genuinely, happy.


Good times,

Monday, February 24, 2014

Truths & Consequences


Some truths leave you with all the answers you need or long for, and then there are some that just brings you to a whole new plethora of other questions.

Some truths even have the ability to steer you to two different directions - whether to be happy and feel validated that you are right all along or to be sad that it did happen.  It's crazy!

The truth will set us free - could be the cliche of all cliches.  Because in the end, you'll only realize that it does not.  The truth alone will not set you free.  Because the key to be truly really free lies in the acceptance of that truth.  
 
And sometimes, it is just so hard to do.

===============

To say that I've gone through some crazy weeks would probably be the understatement of the year.  Sometimes, I feel like I already live for this shit that when things go back to normal, I would end up being crazy. Lolz.

Today, my 6 year old niece knocked on my door and gave me this piece of fine art (na may kasamang bonus na malupit na power hug).



For a while I had to hold back my tears as I power-hugged her back.  And on that split second of a moment, it all dawned on me - that with all my insecurities, my natural and superficial flaws, my impending obesity status, my short and long comings - I am loved.  I may just be some random ordinary chinito guy (with nice shoes) that can easily be replaced by anyone but to the one that truly loves me, I will always be the BEST.  I will always be special. =)


It feels soooooooo fucking good GREAT!!!


Feeling enough and happy,

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Feb-ibig

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. 

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They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.” 


                                                                -- Bob Marley 


Rasta Lova,

Saturday, January 25, 2014

Hey Hey Hey


2013 has been a year of self awareness, acceptance, wisdom, chaos and that much needed enlightenment.


And this year, oh man, it is just gonna be fuckin' awesome.



 

"When you are transitioning to a new season of life, the people and situations that no longer fit you will fall away"




2014 - if you love me won't you let me know,