Sunday, March 23, 2014

The Dark Night


Lately, I feel like I am in the darkest moment of my life. 


And right now, the only thing that I have left is hope. 


Hope that someday all these dark clouds will go and reveal the brightest day ever.   Hope that when that day comes, I will not only rise above it all but I will get to shine again – sparkle even.

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But until then, allow me to wallow in this certain kind of an all too familiar sadness. And hopefully, I get to let it go very soon.


Hindi pa nman ako bagay sa emo,



Thursday, March 13, 2014

Moments

Lately, fate has this habit of bringing me into some unexpected extremities – something that I didn’t see coming, something that I didn’t quite prepare for.  

In a week’s time, I was able to immerse myself into a whirlwind of emotions from being happy, feeling really sad, rejected, inadequate, depressed and everything in between.  It changes by the day, sometimes, by the hour even.


So today, I decided to break away from my usual routine of going home and went to a somewhat happy place and get myself a happy meal.  I want to have a moment. This is my moment - until somebody interrupted it.


“Excuse me, uhm this is really embarrassing, but do you mind if I join you?”


I stared blankly at the stranger holding his tray – and scanned the almost empty place – I am puzzled.


“Sorry, I am not a bad guy, I promise. I just... I just don’t want to eat alone”


And just like that, I let out a smile and got my things off the table. 


“You don’t even have to talk to me, I’ll just be quiet here. I really just can’t don’t want to eat alone right now”


And true to his word.  He sat there quietly. While I went back into having my moment – reading and fiddling with my phone at the same time.
But what I saw, caught my limited attention...


Quarter pounder, big fries, big drinks, a box of nuggets and rice.


So I decided to talk a bit and asked.....
 “Bad day?”


He looked at me puzzled then let out quite a loud laugh when he saw that I was looking at his orders. 


“Hindi pa ako nag-d-dinner po. Gutom lang. Sobra ka naman. Kumuha ka!”


And somehow that set the mood of how things go went.


==========================

 
Sometimes, it does feel good to talk to a complete stranger (in a less kaduda-duda setting).  Someone who doesn’t have any idea who you are.  What you do. And what you are going through. Wala judgement minsan.  Walang prejudice. While I don’t usually talk openly about my feelings to my friends,  I was surprised at how open I’ve been in this conversation.  I was able to share my feelings, my honest to goodness opinions on the topics that we’ve talked about.  Hindi ko naman siya kilala and the people involved in the situations we’ve talked about, e hindi rin naman niya kilala.  Lahat ng mga totoong nangyari at nangyayari, kinukwento mo ng “kunwari”.   Perhaps, the anonymity appealed to me.  It made me talk openly about anything.  And it felt nice.  For a while, I felt free.

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And tonight,  for the very first time in weeks, I am happy. I feel at peace.  Genuinely, happy.


Good times,